This Strange Emotion

This Strange Emotion

The night I realized I liked you,

Your smile glittered in the moonlight.

And this strange emotion walked in

Intrudingly - without bothering to knock.

Uncharacteristic, spontaneous, and right

I rushed into your arms.

Perhaps I ran too quickly.

But I was captivated by your charms

The day I knew I was in love with you

I cried.

Because of one thing I always knew.

This strange emotion lingered and grew.

Confusion knocked, but didn't bother to wait.

He burst through the with some exciting old news:

You saw me as a child - small and innocent.

I had so much to learn.

But I've seen my share of devils

And then some.

Finally, I though, this time.

The reality sunk in.

Even still,

This strange emotion won't go.

He dines nightly by my side

And we slow dance to the light of the moon.

(October 7, 1998)

First Love

First Love

As I curl up into a ball

The tears splash

On the back of my hand

And stay there.

Yesterday, I was reminded

Of your love

Your arms wrapped so lovingly around me.

You stirred in me passions

I never knew existed.

I know I don't want you back

But the memory is painful.

And I've tried to forget.

Everytime I think I have

Memories come flooding back.

I'm exhausted of your haunting

Will I ever know

How to love again?

Will I ever consign you to oblivion

Then, from nowhere it seems,

The power of these words engulf me

"You never forget your first love

No matter how hard you try."

(October 7, 1998)

Lovable

Lovable

I've been alone my whole life.
I was happy, too.
But suddenly, I feel I need
Somebody to be complete
What is that?

I don't need anybody but myself
I convinced myself of its truth
All those lies - for protection
What else?
But there is one thing I've found.

I need to know I am lovable.

(October 7, 1998)

What Do I Do Now?

What Do I Do Now?

I've always had to love someone.
Infatuously.*
I've always needed to say
I'm going to marry him someday.

So what do I do now?
You were always that one,
But suddenly I know
We're just not meant to be.

What do I do now?
Who will take your place
And fill this empty space in my heart?
What do I do now?

Do I keep on dreaming
Do I keep on hoping
That someday you'll come around?

(Late Summer 1998)

*Yes.  Yes, I did make up a word.  Let's all use it and make it a real thing like "ginormous".

The Cupid's Arrow

This poem is dumb.  I don't like it.  Okay.  Well.  I like parts of it, and some of the words in it.  But I don't like all of it.

The Cupid's Arrow

Thrice has the cupid's arrow struck my heart.

One can't tell if fate had a hand

Or if cupid's got some devious plan

I don't know who to choose

The tall one with a sweet smile

Or the short one with his own style

And then there's the one who seems out of reach

What's a girl to do with herself

When Cupid's taken her heart off the shelf?

(1998)

Lonely

Lonely

Sometimes the world seems black
And you feel as though no one cares.
Sometimes you wonder why
You're the one who's always alone.
You wonder if you'll ever
Find him or her.
But sometimes you don't care.
Sometimes being alone
Is where it's at.
The freedom to be and see
Whoever you want
Is it better this way?

(1998)

HD8/100

HD8/100

Well worn and often played

Recordings of favorite songs

The wheels turn round and round

Making a grating sound

Which is drown out

By the volume of the stereo

Pumping and Pulsing

The speakers vibrate

Bringing emotions of happiness.

(No date - 1998)

Oh, nostalgia.  The mixed tape. :)