What We Said

Last night I dreamt
That you and I were talking.
I knew I was the only one
Who could see your smile.
I knew I looked insane.
But I was with you
And it didn't matter.
Your shirt was white
And your hair was brown.
You didn't need your glasses.
We were on a bench in the park
Enjoying the summer air.
I heard your laugh again.
I heard your voice
And touched your hand.
When I woke up,
I was sad.
Because I couldn't remember
What we said.

(April 5, 2019)

Alone

Alone

I can't tell you about it
Because it hurts and it is true.

So I'll come over here.
Where no one looks,
And no one sees.

And I will cry;
I will sob
Alone.
Because you are gone.

A Poem About Hearts

My son had to write a shape poem for his homework today.  The instructions told him it had to be about love or hearts.  He almost cried because writing poems is hard and he said it's something he isn't good at.  I told him it's not something he has tried to do much, so he shouldn't tell himself he is bad at it.
He said he wanted to write about hearts.  So I suggested the line, "If your heart stops beating you will die."  He laughed.  And I told him about how to do an AB rhyming pattern. As with most boys, things sort of took a morbid turn, but he had fun writing it, so it's all good.
The paper gave him a heart-shape to write in, but it's a lot harder to put a four line poem into a heart-shape on the computer, so I'm just going to let you read it the way he wrote it before he put it in the heart.
So here it is.  My eleven-year-old's poem about hearts:

If your heart stops beating, you will die.

If your heart stops beating, I will be filled with sorrow.

If your heart stops beating, you will go bye-bye.

If your heart stops beating, you will be gone tomorrow.

(February 8, 2016)

Where My Heart Is

Where My Heart Is

I drive this highway more often than I can say.

As I glance at the blue sky filled with brilliant cotton clouds,

I wonder if I truly belong here.

The evergreen and aspen covered mountains surround me.

I am encircled with beauty and love.

But it's difficult to determine.

Can I really call this place mine?

Sitting in this circle with you,

Reading words from a page.

Surrounded by black fabric, gray walls, gray floor,

I look at the empty chairs in the House,

And my gaze lifts toward that magic box.

My soul is filled 

With an overwhelming sense of wonder and elation.

As I recognize - this is home.

(July 24, 2015)

Longing To Be Loved

Longing To Be Loved

Everywhere you look
You will find people
Longing to be loved.
Desiring to be touched
Held.

We try to find something
That feels like home.
Even if we don't know
Exactly what that even means.
Familiar.

The truth is simple
Love is ambiguous
And cryptic at times.
Nobody can be sure.
Uncertain.

But we give it our best guess
And we learn to give
What we can
And take what is given.
Love.

(February 4, 2015)

You Don't Love Her

You Don't Love Her

I heard you slept with her again.
Even though you told me
You don't love her.
I wouldn't say I'm angry
Well, maybe just a little.
You said it won't work.
You don't even want it to,
But you're stringing her along
Every time
And then you accuse her
Of obsessive behavior
Which might be justified.
You tell her it's over
But when she craves
Your affection
You don't resist the temptation
Of her charms.
So don't be that guy.
Because you told me
You don't love her.

(February 4, 2015)

I Don't Know What To Do

I Don't Know What To Do

Listen to me.
I'm going to be honest.
I don't want to be here.
I don't want to visit you.
I don't know what to do.
I'm an actress.
Not a teacher.
I can't force him to do his work
Any more than you can.
I'm lost.
I don't understand.
I did my homework.
I came home and got it done.
I wasn't allowed to do
Anything until it was.
I knew what I had to do
And I did it.
He has the same rules.
We've taken everything away.
I ask what he needs to do.
He says he's done.
What more can I say?
We lecture.
We yell.
We threaten.
We swear.
I don't know
How meeting like this
Is going to change anything,
Or even help in any way.
I don't want to be here.
I don't know what to do.

(December 2, 2014)

It's Poetry, Darling

It's Poetry, Darling

It's poetry, darling.
So just let it enter your soul.
Let it into your mind,
And your heart,
And reach down to your bones.
Let it pull something out of you
You didn't know was even there.
Listen
And let it tell you something new.
Let it fill your brain with ideas
So strange and divergent
You find you want to hide
And never come outside.
It's poetry, darling.
So just let it into your soul
And allow yourself to feel.

(August 19, 2014)

Bad Blood

So I heard this song, and I really like it.  But as I was listening to it, it made me think about how I would respond if someone came to me with the same request.  This is what I came up with.

Bad Blood

There is bad blood here.
No one is denying that.
There is bad blood.

You asked me to let it dry.
But friend, this isn't my claret spot.
My heart was stitched long ago.

I said my goodbyes.
And I walked away.
Relieved when it was done.

Now you want to dig up the dead?
Opening wounds long scarred over.
Like that would make things better.

No, I have not forgotten how I felt.
But I have left that anger behind me.
I will not drown for them.

So yes, there is bad blood here.
But I let it dry years ago.
Perhaps someone else should let it go.

(June 26, 2014)

Here's the song:

For You

For You

When I wake up tomorrow,
You will be gone.
I am melancholy
Because I can't follow.
We have different paths
This time.
When we meet again
I know I will have missed
Your smile.
But not realized
Just how much.
So tonight I will
Play my best for you
And I will dedicate
My last show to you.

(May 5, 2014)

Follow

Follow

I know you love me.
I know you care.
I'd follow you anywhere.
But when I asked
You to follow me,
You were angry.
Confusion swallowed my judgement.
What had I done?
I thought you were the one.
I know you are.
But when my dreams
Mean nothing to you
I don't want your love.

(May 3, 2014)

Used To Be

Used To Be

You told me

You used to be an asshole.

Your words.

Then you told me I was pretty.

You followed up with

But you would be gorgeous

If you lost 30 pounds.

You said you used to be

An asshole.

You lied.

(May 2, 2014)

Just Another

Just Another

I realize now
I hardly knew you
And there were things
I was afraid to say out loud.
Things that I held close
To my heart.
And when I finally shared
You did exactly what
I thought you would.
You were just another
Trying to set fire to my dreams.

(May 2, 2014)

Frozen

Frozen

Last night I dreamt

You were running away.

You packed your suitcase

And yelled you'd had enough.

You slammed it shut

And turned to leave the room.

I couldn't move.

Frozen to the spot for a minute or two.

I heard the sound of

Our front door crack

And before tears slid down my cheek,

You were no longer mine.

(April 26, 2014)

This Is Why

So I should have posted this one yesterday, and yesterday's today because of the dates, but here is the poem I wrote in February when I started this whole blog.  I wrote it so that I could have something to put on my other blog that people could click on to get here.  So I found a picture my sister took while we were visiting her in Minnesota a few years ago.  I felt it fit perfectly.

Wish

Wish

I’d like to wake up with you

Early in the morning,

Or stay up late just playing

Records on your phonograph.

I think I’d like spending

Lazy days in your arms

Under the maple tree in the park

And discovering your dreams.

I know I’d like the feel

Of our fingers locked

As we walk barefoot

On the beach at sunset.

Then snuggle close on our backs

As we gaze at the stars

Arms touching, toes brushing

And listen to the ocean tide.

Maybe one would fall

And this wish would be right.

(March 27, 2014)

Ode To My Hair Dryer

Ode To My Hair Dryer

Hair dryer, my Quiet Styler

I shall miss your warm air

Blowing through my hair.

It's admirable, really.

The way you held on so long

You fought hard to stay on.

Fought till the end.

You were such a good friend.

Winters would be cold with out you.

You gave me warmth,

And took away the wet.

So, you have my vote.

If there is a hair dryer heaven,

You'll get in, I bet.

(March 2, 2011)

Over You

Over You

Ever since you left this world

I seem to cry so easily.

I'm still not over you.

I know I will see you someday

But right now I miss you

And so many things have changed

There is a hole in my heart

And I'm still not over you.

Day to day, I feel alright.

Once in awhile, unexpectedly,

You come to my mind.

The feeling of that day

Rushes back to me

And I'm still not over you.

I thought I was fine

But I'm still not over you.

My mind screams I have to stop

I have to think of something else!

Because it hurts!

It hurts to miss you

It hurts to know you're gone.

It gets harder to breathe

I'm glad your pain has left you

But I'm still not over you.

(January 19, 2011)

The Fantasy Is Gone

The Fantasy Is Gone

You keep asking me if ever I will forget.

But I can't forget how it felt

To stand in front of you naked

And you looked the other way.

So this storm ends.

But I don't see you the way I once did.

I found a piece of me on the floor

And knew I was no longer whole.

When I tried to put it back,

It didn't quite fit the same.

Because we are not the same

Maybe it means we can change.

I don't want us to be over.

I don't want to our dreams to die.

The fantasy is gone

And sometimes it's hard to try.

When I'm alone

I can't help but wonder

How things would be different

If we had never been together.

The hurt and anger is hard to let go of.

It seems to be the place I live.

I am waiting for the spring's thaw

To break through the surface.

Your light warms my skin

And I start to melt.

I turn my face toward the sun

And soak in your heat.

I'm hanging over the edge of the cliff

And I'm holding on to you for dear life

Please don't let me go

Just don't let me go

It takes time to freeze,

So I will need time as well

Time to remember what's so great

About me.

(April 26, 2010)

Slipping

Slipping

Careful, dear, you're slipping.

I hear myself thinking things.

Things I don't like,

But my mind wonders.

What happened to us?

I know the moment it all began.

But I can't take it back

I wouldn't - even if I could.

I was where I belonged.

I knew.

Because my heart did.

But you didn't need to make it hurt.

Sometimes I wish it was years ago.

Then I could be the one to say no.

Careful, dear, you're slipping.

Slipping.

(September 8, 2009)