Before We've Even Begun

Before We've Even Begun

The nightmare of not having you

Is too close within my grasp.

And I blindly reach for you

For I do not want to be near that fear.

Yet you are that terror.

If I lent you my affections

And you cast them aside;

If I gave you my heart 

And you tore it apart;

You'd be just like the last four.

You be just like them.

So don't tell me I'm not afraid.

Don't think I'm not petrified.

Don't imagine I know nothing

Of your pain.

But I'm willing to risk

A heartache.

I don't want to give up

Before we've even begun.

(October 1, 1998)

Pain

Pain

It is useless to love you
Isn't it?
It's useless to try.
Isn't it?

The salty rivers streaming
From my eyes
Are mingling with the hard rain.
I can't dam them tonight.

"You're so beautiful
It hurts to look at you."
And I
Know Pain.

(October 1, 1998)

You

You

As I sit and gaze at the moon tonight

(As I often do),

My thoughts are turning this way and that.

They focus on nothing in particular

Until they fall on you.

A smile traces my lips for just a moment

As I recall your own,

And I swim in the deep blue seas that are your eyes.

The stars reflecting off the surface

Blur my vision for an instant.

You are warm to the touch,

And your laughter lights up a room.

(September 23, 1998)

Fragile Dreams

Fragile Dreams

I have a dream,
And I've had many.
Some have died
Some crushed like eggshells
Others burned out
Like the embers of a campfire
But many are alive.
Several are sick;
Tired of waiting to be a reality.
The only thriving dream
Is not as healthy as it seems.
The dream I have of
Holding you in my arms
And rocking you to sleep at night.

(October 7, 1998)

My Turn

My Turn

"Your time will come."

Words which come to comfort me

As tears flow freely in streams.

I know.

I know.

But it seems so far away.

So close, yet so far away.

When will it be my turn?

When will I get the chance

To say, "I do."

And then, "It's a boy!"

And after that hear the words

"Don't talk to your mother like that."

When is it my turn to love?

(October 7, 1998)

Something So Rare

Something So Rare

My head feels like 

The accident that caused

A major traffic jam

In downtown Manhattan.

And I'm getting this

Claustrophobic urge

To run as

Far away from here

As I possibly can.

One passion keeps me 

From fleeing this life.

He is my only escape;

My solitary dream.

I could go on and on

Raving of his wonderment.

I could continue with

His features - so fine!

I won't bore you with such details.

I cherish his adoration,

Loving glances, sweet billet-doux

We have something

So rare.

(October 5, 1998)

Apparently, I have not put these pages in order.

A Night Out

A Night Out

The night approaches

And the lovers cling tighter to each other.

As the chill settles around them,

Together they hear

Two raincapped shadows pass

And as they huddle in the darkness

They sing to pass the time.

(Spring 1998)